Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
