When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
