I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
