i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
