Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
