stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
