I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
