last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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