then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
