so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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