absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
