well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
