I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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