you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
