i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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