Its about making memories worth repressing
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My penis needs a shock collar
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
