I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
