If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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