She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
