My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
