He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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