He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
