I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
