I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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