I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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