i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
