Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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