You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
jump out the window naked night went bad
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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