did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
