So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
