you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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