Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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