I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
