He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
