sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
