His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
