I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
