@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
