Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
