Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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