His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
