dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
