this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
