so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
