College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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