Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You ruined the universe
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
