Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
