I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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