I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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