she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
