Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
